Sunday, May 8, 2011
Loving and Caring for Mom
It's Mother's Day again, and I wanted to wish all the Mothers a very restful, fun, and lovely day. My son called me this morning from Atlanta to wish me a happy one, and sent me a card through JIB JAB. if you've never gotten one, you don't know what you are missing. Both of my boys have a great sense of humor, and when life gets me down, they can always make me laugh.
The reason I love designing and planning events is the fact that they are all celebrations of our lives. We have a party to share with friends and family, a special milestone, or just to say I love you. Mother's Day is a celebration of our love for our Moms, and to show her how much we appreciate her love for us.
Hallmark moments are not always what we experience ourselves, and sometimes it can be difficult to be thankful for your relationship with your Mom. This has been a very long year for me, and one of the most challenging ever. My own mother was in a horrific car accident on Good Friday last year. On Mother's Day 2010, I was taking flowers to the hospital, along with clothes for rehab, checks for her to sign, and a list of problems for both of us to deal with. If you are a care giver for your Mom, you will understand what kind of a year this has been for me. Actually, this journey started 6 years ago when my Dad passed away from a massive heart attack, and left my Mom alone. And the lessons I have learned on this journey could be shared in a book, if I had the time to write it.
It is the hardest thing that I have done in my life...this parenting of my parent. Changing roles, letting go of your child status and grasping the duty of caregiver. Not just caregiver, but personal assistant. A full time job, added to your already busy life as a Mom, Grandmother and Wife...not to mention a full time job and a couple of side jobs to boot. Hard is not actually a good word for this new position in life, it does not begin to cover the feelings that you experience as your idealic image of your parent as this strong, independent, woman crumbles into a pile of rubble, and you begin to face the reality that your Mom is just a person, like you. She is not super woman, and she can not save the day, or at least not THIS day.
This realization can make you angry, bitter, and resentful. It can also leave you feeling guilty for having these horrible feelings. Whatever you are feeling, my best advice is to let it wash over you, change you, and then move on. Appreciate that wherever you are in your relationship with your Mom, this is exactly where you are meant to be at this time in your life. You can be thankful for how she raised you, and you can appreciate that she showed you the woman you can strive to be, or maybe even the woman you don't want to be. Take the good and the bad, and say thank you for caring for me, not letting anything too terrible happen to me, and standing by me when I really needed you.
And, if you are a caregiver for your Mom, God Bless You, we are the chosen ones, our parents will be revealed to us in a new light, a revelation that will change us and give us new reasons to celebrate a day for our Mother.